The Story Behind The Sleep Circle

Before I became a mother I was surrounded by children. Working in a nursery taught me how to soothe and settle four little ones under one at the same time. It gave me patience, perspective and a deep respect for the uniqueness of every child. Later, when I stepped into families’ homes as a private nanny, I saw that there is not one right way to parent. Every home, every rhythm and every belief system was different and yet all of it worked in its own way. That was a gift, the realisation that our differences are what make us who we are and that children thrive when they are loved no matter the style.

I became a mum myself at 21 and my two children are the deepest loves of my life. It has always been a balancing act but I have thrived in finding little ways to make life easier. I would put the slow cooker on at eight in the morning so dinner was bubbling away by evening, or set the washing machine to run overnight so all I had to do was hang it up in the morning. Those small acts freed me to be present, to enjoy the laughter, the games and the moments that matter most.

Motherhood also brought me lessons I never expected. My son went through a stage of night terrors and when I turned to the GP, I was told he was too young to be experiencing them and that they could not offer much support. In that moment I realised how much of the education around parenting is missing, and how often as women we are encouraged to stop trusting our gut and our intuition. I chose not to accept that dismissal. Instead I decided to learn, to educate myself and to trust the knowing I already carried. With patience, consistency and intuition, I was able to support my son through his nights and ease him out of night terrors. No medication, no drastic measures, simply a deeper understanding of what he needed and the confidence to trust myself as his mother. That experience did not just help him, it changed me. It showed me how powerful education and intuition can be when they are held together.

Life has not been a straight line. I have known chapters of deep grief after losing beloved family members, and heartbreak when I discovered my husband had been having an affair with my best friend. I have had to navigate the pain of not being able to see one of my children due to my ex husband’s revenge at me moving forward, and the crushing reality of finding little protection in the UK courts for coercive and controlling behaviour. Each of these moments tore me apart and yet each became part of the patchwork that makes me who I am today.

Now I find myself in a chapter that feels almost dreamlike. After all the journalling, manifesting and holding on to hope, I now share my life with a partner who met every single word I had once written down. Our home is full of happiness and joy and at times it feels magical. What I have learned in this is that life is not about choosing between light and dark. I can hold both, the gut pulling weight of grief and heartbreak, and the soaring joy of love and fulfilment. There are days when I cry in my car and there are days when I feel like the luckiest person alive.

Both are true.

Both are me.